cloudy day

and there is so much to do
I am handicapped by myself
Going through clothes in storage
finding them moldy and musky-smelling

like the old man that lives alone in his clutter
overwhelmed
sad
waste

everywhere I look is something,
something to fix
something to clean
something to build
something to throw out
something not done!


I look at the past and I see failure
financial, emotional, spiritual, physical
all elements have failure
failure a judgement word I feel
judged
judge poorly
depressed
despair
demoralized
a grey cloud hangs on me
the weather echos my feelings
there is really nothing left but pain
I am too strong so my monster is no help
just pain
regret
overwhelmed
pain







I find myself on the floor puking a cocktail of poisons,






Apparently I'm a failure in attempted death also.