spencer

he is gone
some heart ache now, protects from heartache in the future

its for the best
we lie to ourselves,
he did not suffer

the mind protects itself from the horror
that is what we say when we see a smaller animal being ripped to shreds by a larger predator.

but we don't know,
so our mind protects itself from the horror

the thought that the smaller animal felt every bite,
felt the crushing power of jaws around its little body

"its for the best,"
"its life"
"he really didn't suffer"
it must have been quick

took only but 60 seconds,

and we forget that time slows down when we are in full adrenalin crisis.
as it must be for the small animal being killed by the larger one.

60 seconds must be an eternity to the one dying, fighting, ... for its life.

and so "its for the best, "
"he was the weakest one"
"its nature's way"
the dog did not mean to kill my cat
it was an accident

it must have been quick, I was gone for a short few minutes

and my mind feels the heartache of loss and protects itself from the horror of death to a pet so well loved, killed by another pet so well loved.

Hope?

and the shadow of a man stands
he stand alone

stuck in his his own mind all he sees is horror, sin, guilt, despair

gray skies convince him of his
uselessness
pointless-ness
this miserable moment in time called life, he calls it existance

barely hanging on, he looks forward only to the sin

such a strong word 'sin'

a word that can't truly exists,
.... unless,
unless, ..
he truly believes in a God.


a God that created good,


a God that created life,


a God that created Sin
and with it created,...
guilt
obsession
betrayal
hatred
the irrational people
the narrow minded
the judgmental

Internal confusion for the man that stands alone.

his friend say "trust in the Lord",
but he knows all too well that if he confessed his sin's these same friends would
shun him
exile him
judge him
gossip about
fake smiles, while vomiting inside, when they next they see each other.

no help for the man that stands alone.

"you'll feel better if you talk about it" says his other friends

There is truth in that, but the consequences of betrayal too great, he says nothing.

and the shouldn't have's and the should have's bombard his soul;
"I should not have ever started", "I should have stopped" are the things he says to himself over and over and over. useless thoughts that will not help him with the sin in his life.

"sin" such a strong word and backed by an all powerful God,

There is no hope for the man who stands alone that has his heart scared by sin.