the breakup

Our journey started at the bottom of the desert mountain in the fall.

life giving rains watered the slopes we tread,

easy at first, then steep and steeper still

a loose rock here and there,

a rattlesnake across our path,

caused us to go on paths not marked

and my first taste of the agave.

we were on the move up, so no time to relish in the agave's beauty,

we continued to the unknown

then a landslide, we barely made it alive

we looked down and saw only rubble, where our journey started.

in the winter we were close to the top, basking in the warm winter days, holding each other close on the almost freezing desert nights.

times were hard during that dry spell, but we survived together.

we survived till the next rain.

the rain caused the agave to grow, and I uncontrolled drank deep and often.
it was not till my near death on a freezing night, that your loving words came through and touched my soul again.

when spring came we had been at the top for a while,

comfortable, settled,

it was just you and me again,

predictable

empty words

routine

stifled

suffocating

in a rut so deep we feared the next rain would drown us,

so we headed down,

steep at first, then it smoothed out

and we found ourselves on a gentle slope in the middle of a field of flowers,

beauty,

gentle smell of mesquite,

the desert alive, and with it us

and I saw the agave but left it alone.

when summer came, we were more than half way down

thirsty for life,

looking for relief from the sun

the life that was once flowers and struggles to overcome together

was is now a brown dusty hell

burning our hearts

burning our souls

a burning so strong that

we see no beauty

we see no life

we see no us

death, if we stay

so you with your mesquite go left

and I follow the agave and go right.

thanks roscoe

sitting silent easy

inter-action hard.

loneliness in a group,..

that is me

you reach out in your way, but I not knowing what to say,

say nothing.

so I, distant, awkward, inept

feeling alone

don't reach out to your extended hand.

but I come back

again and again and again

learning

slowly learning

how to say hi

I awkward know not what to do

i am different

i run away to my shell, to deep inside my mind, at the slightest discomfort

loneliness is safe

loneliness is me

loneliness in a room full of people

that want to know me,

seem to accept me,

talk to me

extend their hand to me

extend their hearts to me

acknowledge me

support me

and help me

and I the great outsider keep my barriers up,

but I come back

again and again and again

learning

slowly learning

how to share parts of me.

you applaud in honesty

you applaud encouragement

you value me enough to know my name

when I fell you were there to pick me up

I am different and you are OK with my difference

and I come back

again and again and again.

learning,

growing

truly grateful for

talking to me

applauding me in honesty and encouragement

knowing my name

extending your arm in friend ship

and sharing your heart