memory foam mattress

and the driver of the car wanted make a right turn,
look left stop at the red light
Quick look then proceed
a second quick look is what her dad had taught her.

and it happened so fast
one mistake

just one

so fast the one mistake

The driver of the car will say "i'm sorry"

I'm Sorry
I'm Sorry

once she realized she was in an accident she wanted to get out of her car to see what damaged happened to her driver side door

but a stranger saw it all,  
and the stranger motioned her to not move

don't move

don't move

words usually said in an accident

you don't want to hurt yourself further so you should sit still.

she was white with fear, and her car window would not open.

she did not know what to do,
so she did as the stranger said.

she saw all the onlookers and felt embarrassed,
she did not like to be the center of attention,
but she felt everyone was looking at her.

she checked herself in the mirror to see if she was bleeding, and she exhaled with a sigh of relief at seeing none.
saw her hair was a bit out of place and began preening herself.

.
and the front tire of the motorcycle lined up perfectly with the front tire of the car
and the side of the car inhaled every curve and point of the motorcycle
form fitting
snug
better to say, like the mattress commercials, the hand on the mattress and the mattress takes the shape of the hand perfectly. so was this scene

The on lookers looked for the human that was once on the motorcycle
expecting him to have been thrown
a mangled hurt man laying on the ground
and the crowd of course expecting blood

but curiously there was no blood

but the stranger saw it all,
and motioned to the motorcyclist
hesitation
fear
but stepped towards him

step
step
step

and the driver of the car had wanted make a right turn,
stop at the red light, look left
Quick look then proceed
a second quick look is what her dad had tried to teach her

This quick look was not to the left as her dad had taught her instead the quick look was at her phone.

and she...
she...
she so confused
it happened so fast

like the commercial selling mattresses that shows the mattress forming around the actors hand,

the motorcycle was inhaled by the side of the car that pulled out in front of him, as he tried to motor through the green light.

but the stranger saw it all,
the car that pulled out on a red light
the motorcycle that was 41 mph through a green light
the metal of the car collapsing around the motorcycle and the rider

then the stranger saw the lifeless body of the motorcyclist as the girl in the car looked in the mirror to comb her hair.

3:am

The patriarch of the family, organized this impromptu
early-morning, family outing of coffee and scones,
your distant wife, and somewhat distant 15 year old son, sit across from you
and your,… sm-a-ll , 10 year old boy, has fallen asleep next to you on the couch.

work responsibility causes the need to leave this moment of family closeness.

So, you carefully lift the sleeping boy to your shoulder.
and to the car, the family walks.


his arms cling to your neck
you feel his warmth and total trust in you
his legs flopping with each step you take,
so you slow,..
to protect his slumber state
.
.
.
.
and the  15 year old trailing behind the family on the way to the car,
Pinches the sleeping child
Pinches hard !!
hard enough to startle!
hard enough to welt!
hard enough to cause uncontrollable sobbing!


and the father scolds
"why did you do that?"
"how could you do something so mean to your little brother"


And the 15 year old, . . . just stands there speechless,
his words try to crawl out from a deep pit within,

but no words make the journey into the morning light
.
.
The father continue to scold and ends with "what were you thinking?"

and at that moment the teenager was thinking about,..

3:am.
.
.
.

The mom is oblivious to this scene behind her, she already in the car
is busy
busy texting
busy face booking
busy farmville -ing


in her electronic world she is
ever so helpful
giving away tractors
sharing advice
liking business

In her electronic world she is valued and wears her badge of greatness with honor

but in the real world she is not like real moms
although there is plenty of food her kids go to school hungry, and
with mountains of laundry so her kids go to school dirty


her defense is “ self proclaimed “ insomnia
she does not sleep well
she says she cant stay asleep

she says:

3:am
.
.
.

for her husband
3am ..... is sometimes interrupted, by groggy barely remembered words from his wife as she slinks back into bed.
she tells him:
"I just needed some water"
"I heard a noise in the boy's room and was checking on him"



for her 3:am
is selfishness and power
it is adrenaline and control

it is for secrets,...
"he doesn't know what I'm doing, he's asleep"

for her 3:am
is full of justifications
"if he didn't like it he would tell me"


"tonight I'll just look and not touch"
"last night I went too far, so tonight I won't do anything"

" and next time I won't lift "
"and next time I won't.."
"and next time I ..."
"and next time ..."
"and"
"and"
and
and


AND. For the boy not yet out of his 15th year of life

3am is

feeling confused and scared
... hopelessness fills his days....

3AM is
feeling alone and powerless
... dirty-ness that cant be showered off ....

for him 3:am is the cause of
feeling guilty for hating his mother so,

betrayed by himself for NOT telling HER to stop it.

and worst of all 3:am is
being betrayed by his own body
his body that responds to touch
his body that he can't control
.
.
.
Can't control even though the touch feels so disgustingly wrong

the daytime brings with it, a numbness mixed,
with bouts of overwhelming, uncontrollable emotion
as sudden flashes of the previous 3:am, bombard his mind
... he is tortured by his thoughts ….


But now,
but now,
but now,
but,  now


the  15 year old trailing behind the family on the way to the car,
after the impromptu family outing for coffee and scones,

was re-living the 3:am that was only 8 hours ago
if one could rate all the 3am's on some unimaginable scale of horror,...

last night,
last night would have been the worst,

because
because of betrayal
because his body is young
because the outrageous evil
of his body almost caused him to cum at the lips of his abuser.

his thoughts of the horror from 8 hours ago was broken, when he saw his little brother.

innocent
helpless
clinging to their father,

and then he realizes the first, 3:am happened when he, was as young as his little brother is now !

Crashing, thundering waves of concern, confusion and helplessness,
As he asks himself the question
"Has She started doing it to HIM?"

and with a flood of emotion so intense and overwhelming he
he does not know what to do !!!
so he,

Pinches the sleeping child
Pinches hard !!
hard enough to startle!
hard enough to welt!
hard enough to cause uncontrollable sobbing!

and his father scolds him.
"why did you do that?"
"how could you do something so mean to your little brother"
.
.
.
And the 15 year old, . . . just stands there speechless,
his words try to crawl out from a deep pit within,

words of torture,
words anger,

most of all he needs and wants the words

"make her stop"
"PLEASE!!"

"how can you Not see what she does to me at night"

"Please, She is evil"
"Please"

"Please, maker her STOP!!"
"Please"
.
.
.
.

but no words make the journey into the morning light,


His father continues the scolding and ends with "what were you thinking?"

and at that moment the 15yr old, with the words stuck in his throat,

was thinking,

about 3:am

Bad parents

So I want to go back and chase them down and make them let me go,

so I can let them go...


its like I am half awake and half asleep as i feel the evil in my room
pining me down
pushing on my heart as if trying to push it out through my back.

then I become aware of the energy
the pure evil that is upon me
and I feel trapped and frozen and can not move
helpless to defend myself
I lay there while life is slowly sucked out of me.

I had only wished that just before i succumb to death
I could scream
scream loud
loud enough to wake the dead
I wish that I could have screamed loud enough to wake me!

I wish that I could have focused my pure innocent energy, to come to my defense.

I wish I had defiance
defiance like never felt before,
defiance never shown before,
and I wish I could peel its grip from my throat as I burn its body with my eyes and exhale a white light incinerating it

but instead it grabs hold of my throat controlling  me
killing me
pushing on my heart as if trying to push it out of me
trying to smother me.

and helplessly
 but momentarily
 I allowed them to kill me