Successful Day

and it hurts
deep and hollow while being
overstuffed and cringing in pain from the slightest touch

both full and entirely empty

so much actually all at the same time.
but nothing actually happens

brain cells firing off as ants in crisis after their mound is stepped on
pain so great yet so much to do


so overwhelmed by the enormity I wish I were the Zebra.
The Zerba grounded by five lions, there is nothing left to do but die.

but the Zebra is lucky, death comes quickly

For me I am the cricket missing one back leg, that avoided the cat's play.
Alive, but injured.  Not able to live the life of a cricket, no sounds, no mate will want me.

I hobble, a cripple, but unlike the cricket who is missing a leg, no one can see my deformity.

and a moment of relief comes,  as two more hours of  wasted life, bites the dust.
 
not closer to beauty
not closer to love
not closer to happy

With the two hours gone, guilt and despair crush me for the next hour, like a Boa contstictor killing its prey slowly squeezing breath out of life.

and then my body says "I'm hungry"

so, the safari to find a clean spoon in the kitchen begins.
Deep in a sink full of cold slime with a thick protective layer of bio-matter lurks the object I need.
Breaking through the protective layer causes the unnatural ecosystem below to erupt with activity and it burps out the stench of rot, so strong neither Fabreeze nor Lysol stand a chance.

Spoon found. I still have my fingers, only lost a few nose hairs, 
I leave the unnatural ecosystem alone to repair itself.
and to the bathroom I go to wash the spoon. 

Back to the kitchen to check the 'fridge for any nourishment to appease my hungry body.
tortillas without any mold,...
peanut butter,...
and jelly - which at second look is fermented - and thrown into the overflowing trash.

No energy to clean the counter or stove from the layer of bacteria and mold, so I use an 11" piece of wax paper as protective layer, then put a 10" piece on top of that.

Peanut butter spread on an old tortilla - the body is momentarily satisfied.

And I see the meds laid out, neatly, on the only spot on the counter that is not disease infested.
Seven small containers each with a day's worth of medication. Medication both prescribed and from the health food store. So many during the day, each day needs its own container, normal people can buy those week-at-a-time-containers with seven little attached lids, I can't.

The containers tell me, it was not, just, two hours of  wasted life that bit  the dust.   It was 2 days.

Today is Wednesday, the pill-containers show me I did not take my meds today, nor did I take them Monday or Tuesday.   I did take them some Thursday-through-Sunday in the past, but right now I don't know how far in the past, so my 2 days of wasted life, may have been two-weeks, and 2 days.

Doesn't really matter, I see the problem now, and will take today's meds.

I just hope that I can remember to take my meds tomorrow, or that a meteor hits me in the head and kills me instantly.

Either way it will be a successful day.

dmv

joy is just a test score away,
while Boredom so strong
numbness being the state of being that takes so long
that drags you down
that sucks life out of your soul

see reason

Like a germanword that looks like they just stuck a bunch of small words together.

And my picture is taken as I stare at the forbidden, most likely it will be on the news in minutes.

"exclusive footage" from the heros cell phone, then the store will release their survelance footage.

The newstations will broadcast non stop my facebook comments.

Hunt down my friends and coworkers and they will all say "I would have never guessed"
And as much as I try to deny or make the masses listen to logic it will be a futile waste.

If I am lucky an attention-whore atty will take pity and fight for my privacy, but that would be a career death sentence, he would never be able to get into politics with a smear like that on his record.
a black-mark where he tried to make people see reason,

"see reason" a crime so vile that generations ago the politicians outlawed such behavior and there have been many punished under the clandestine rules

Kennedy
Bruce lee
Jimmy Hoffa
All silenced because they wanted the masses, the people, those sheep watching the news.
They wanted the people to know the truth.

That news is not neutral they need to answer to the politicians.

And that politicians do what is in their career best interest, not caring about the country or its citizens.

They play with people's emotions and get the masses wanting action, then the politicians can be the hero and save society, knowing full well that the piece of legislation they fight for will have no positive affect on society.

The politician goes from one office to the next, hiding their indiscretions, while creating laws that feel good.

feel good, that is what the people want,
feel good, that is what TV brings to the people,
feel good, is not news - they must sensationalize the horror otherwise the political machine would have nothing to stand on a stump for.

And so like a german-word that looks like they just stuck a bunch of small words together, the society is a mash of long winded politicians with incomplete news and useless laws, with the peoples trying to figure out where one word begins and the other ends.