Mom's next weekend

Mom and Dad were together 12 years yesterday and, me, their oldest child will be 11 in three months

But that does not seem to matter to mom.

There are songs and shows on TV  of women acting crazy. 

But 

but

but grandma never thought it would happen to mom.

And mom moving out, so suddenly, started out okay but is quickly turning just short of violent.

And the 11 yr old, just wants to catch pok-e-mon,  but the apartments where mom lives is too dangerous mom says.

The 11 yr old does not understand why mom cant come to dads house, 

That is where they have lived for the last 11 years.

Dad didn't change, 

mom left dad.

Mom has a mean man in her life.

He is not nice to me or my little sister.  He doesn't touch us, or hit us, but the way he talks to me,

he yells at me for the littlest things, like leaving a sock on the floor

he never smiles at me

I feel like he hates me

He does not care about us, 

and he 

he is

he is taking our mom away from us.  

I dont like the way he is mean to mom, I'm 11 I cant tell him to stop pushing mom, he'd throw me against a wall.

Once she had to call the police on him cause of the arguing they were doing.

Mom told me not to tell dad.

I hate going to mom's, and I feel so helpless, alone and guilty for not wanting to go.

Mom is so much different, and I just doesn't understand . 

Strangers called mediators ask a lot of questions at all the meetings.

After the meetings mom and dad say very different things, its like they were not even in the same room I was in.

I just want to be 11 years old

and have parents that live together

Parents that get along

Parents,...

not parents, but a mom,...

a  mom that does not ask me to lie to dad

a mom that loves me

I want the mom I used to have.

everyone else in my school has this fucked up life, 

of parents living in different houses,

of parents asking kids to keep a lie,

I did not think it would happen to me.

 

And

I wonder if I did something to cause this

And
I wonder how I can fix this.

And

I wonder how I can get my mom back

I don't have the words to tell you how i feel, but it is not good...

I am quiet, so no one can tell how sad i really am.

I heard of this thing called suicide
And i wonder how people do it, 

sometimes on the news they say kids do it

I just wonder how to do it, 

Cause I

Cause I

Because I really, really, really 

do NOT  want to go to my moms next weekend...