I am lost there is something deep inside not willing to show itself
I stay stuck and in pain waiting for it to show
but relief is nowhere near
the forced tears, the therapist said to try is not working for me this time.
the porn is boring
the thought of drugs does not excite me either.
I am looking for the words to give me relief from the stress and pain of life.
but no magic to be found on-line.
No food can fill the void.
I call a friend but she is not home, so I feel so alone.
I rock like an autistic idiot and hope for relief, distraction or death
But none will come, the past is too strong and it pulls me into depression.
The past needs to come out, but I am afraid
afraid of the pain
afraid of the truth
afraid if my new-found friends shun me.
the music can't get loud enough
the pictures dark enough
the stories sad enough
I am still stuck with me.
Exercise can't sweat it out
Can't fall a sleep to let sleep hide it from me.
the hot line just put me on hold.
no one to talk to
nothing to stop me this time
my knife collection so large, I leave it to my son's
my car, paid in full, I leave to my daughter
the insurance will take care of the house for the wife.
not much else to do,
except of course,...
to stop living.
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