under the surface

surface stretched tight is strong and must not tear

there is work to do
deals to make
kids to take care of
And pain to push down


three little ones will survive,  but will pay,
the cost is pain
the cost is fear


Parents not in love
still teach
teach by example

teach of loneliness
example of emptiness
teach of fear
example of confusion
teach of anger withheld


the foundation split into two,
the only house they have ever known,..
soon to be Gone!!!


but the surface is strong and the pain is momentarily burried

but the tension can be tasted by all,..

tongue curling bitter..
Bitter, like unsweetened bakers chocolate.

The same chocolate that only a few months ago was mixed with love and sugar,... and
became,...
hot brownies
and family movie night
and ice cream.
and giggles
and everyone falling asleep in the family room


That chocolate is now the bitter reminder of how there is,.. no room for family


but that surface stretched so tight,
is tough
marine tough
leather strong
keeps all the emotion in
inside
in tightly


but emotions are like a wild cat in a small cage
clawing and spinning out of control


hitting a surface that does not budge it is
the inside that takes the punishment
Ripping
tearing
mutilating organs
Lungs that used to inhale beauty
Heart that would skip a beat when they touched
Stomach that used to flip flop like it was full of butterflies.

now all are indistinguisable one from the other
shredded beyond recognition like Filet Mignon  through a meat grinder.


but the surface is tough
no evidence of the wounds
no evidence of the pain
no evidence of the shredded beef that used to be a heart.
no evidence of the now collapsed lungs that used to exhale confidence.


but like war has its propaganda to demoralize and crimes to humiliate
the enemy is attacking the surface
slowly weakening
slicing,
poking,


a facebook post of,...  "them together"
the posting "my soul mate has been found"
a former best friend,...  "liking the post"
and then the comments on "how cute they look together"



soon the surface will be shredded too much to hold
hold in the pain
hold in the sorrow
hold in the anger
and hold in the betrayal

And then the-one will curl up like a baby and the tears will flow
like a cold shower that never runs out of water

Tears will come from deep inside trying to fill the void that has been avoided,
for these past many months

and when the tears have momentarily dried up,
the organs can begin to put themselves back together.
the flesh will begin to heal

and then a random scent of chocolate will waft in the air,
and the tears will start again.


to a person named Matt.