Tobasco Black and White

As if I was here just to do this

hopelessness so deep
darkness so pure
I,
A shadow that sees no light.

Light, my enemy that illuminates the despair in every corner of my life

Life, my nemesis that causes the agony, pain and the darkness

Darkness, my mentor that intensifies and hides the emotions,

emotions-they say are the spice and flavor to life
flavor and spice to enjoy
the sweet and spicy-hot

yet I feel only the burning pain

like an ounce of Tobasco in each eye
Agony, 
torture, 
no escape from the suffering

eyes watering
gallons of tears fall trying to ease my misery, 
but there is not enough water in the Colorado River
to flush out my pain
wash away my loneliness
or erode the tiniest bit off my Thick Layer of Despair.

From sheer and  utter exhaustion finally my tears stop,  
and i awake to the television

... And the TV shows lions killing a zebra,
Momentary violence
a little struggle
then as life bleeds out of the black and white animal,..
.. Calmness washes over the agony,
and I see the Zebra smile.


his smile flashes to me an awareness I have never felt before and at that moment it becomes crystal clear that

life is not Gray and colorless
Life is not many different flavors of sweet and spice

Life is simple
simple like salt and pepper.

Black and white with a little bit of red,

and like the wild dogs of africa know their place at the feast of the dead zebra. I too know my place and now completely understand.

Agony is black
pain is black
my life is black

There is no white and my colorful crimson is trapped deep inside.

I embrace the black

and I,
I decide
decide to give in to the black and let my crimson out.

momentary violence
a little struggle
crimson red flows down the drain

my body turn white
calmness washes over my agony
and I smile my last smile