strokes of art

Art is many different things to many different people.

in art,

everyone sees something different
some see the colors
some see the splotches
some see the emotions
some see the lines
to me and my canvass
all i see are the strokes
the individual strokes and how best to fill the canvas with them.

Like with many artist,

what you see is only the surface,   there is a deeper meaning,

Let me share with you for a moment,...

you see this, this gentle stroke means love
the slight wave in this stroke here is fear
and these strokes, the ones that seem so to stand above the rest,

they mean loneliness

and the two long strokes
the same shape and
the same color with
the same depth on both left and right,

they mean that I have control.

There is a Chinese Hanzi, the concept means,.. kind of,  .. lost love, a deep love that hurts,

The canvas over here shows that character;
these two long lines here
these 5 medium lines and
the 3 short,
I hid them by spacing them out too far,
but, if you took all of them,
and centered them around this spot here, that looks like a cigarette burn you could see it.

as I said  what you see is only the surface, there is a deeper meaning.

Well that is enough sharing with you,
my canvas is calling to me,
there are still some blank spaces that must be filled with strokes and  I need to get the shame and guilt out.

you see my parents asked me
asked me not to cut.
not to cut my wrists
not to cut my legs
not to cut my feet

they only see the slice-that-deforms and the scarring and the blood,

but they don't understand,..

that to me my skin is not skin

it is my canvas that must be filled in.