pebble

and I am trapped

by the sand and grit

stepped on

rolled over

ignored

and i think to myself

i am important

i am needed

but with no way of showing it

i am taken for granted

a permanence of reliability

that is me

heat, cold rain or snow

I endure it all because

without me, you have no foundation

piss and puke spray on me

and I say nothing

how can I, trapped by sand and grit

I don't have the breath to spit

that what you are doing is pure shit

I should throw a Fit

and leave here,

but I remember the time I tried to

tried to get free from you,

I did get a a little bit lose it was true

but you saw that slightest shift

and you reacted quick

you said I was in so much trouble

and I was but back in my place,

with your steam roller feet

and jack hammer hands

no friends could save me

no acquaintances knew me

I am trapped

by the sand and grit

rolled on stepped over

I do have your security

your tight concrete grip

that grip to keep me in my place

that grip so strong it can make me feel safe

a grip strong enough to squeeze death into life.

I lie to myself, that

I am important

i am needed

my permanence of reliability

is not taken for granted

but after year and years together

I am seeing the lies,

the lies I say to myself

the lies you say to me

yes I see the lies more clearly,

i see,

that you see my scars in what used to be perfectly smooth skin

but you don't see that it was your unyielding grip

that started the decay

that caused the injury

which you now see as my deformity

but when I look at you,

I don't see your now weak crumbling form

I see only the strength when we first were mixed together in that cement mixer of life.

and I the permanence of reliability

know the only reason you have loosened your grip on me

is that you hope to find

hope to find a younger,.... me

a smooth skinned,

unblemished

rounded

plump

thing that you can grip tight

one that will fill the hole when you finally lose all grip on me.

you have done so well to keep me in your control

and I now know

i have no control

i have no importance

I gladly let everyone walk on me

let the piss and puke spray on me

and like a loose pebble from the side walk, I will leave a small hole in you,

but I will be kicked from one side of the street to the other

until a final ricochet off a passing car tire

will spit me into some dark dirty unseen corner

untouched

unloved

with no one to hold me tight.