Lost Youth

And so many years of life have passed me by
kids
grandkids
our favorite house that we had to leave behind
the tattoo one for each child as they were born
the time we could not afford a new starter for that old bus
so I had to push start it for two weeks, till we could get it fixed.

The many family get togethers
the little ones stick-fighting with thier uncle.

and now our first born grandchild is ending high school

We have told him of many stories from his childhood, those memories must  be embedded  deep into his core.

and this christmas he is old enough to hear some of his aunt's and uncle's childhood stories, those things we laugh about only because they survived.

sneaking out of windows
taking cars without permission
caught out after curfew

and then he shares some of his tamer escapades,
knowing full well he is still young enough to get stern words from his parents.

and we laugh
and we gasp

and then he turns to me and says what did you do as a kid?

the question took me by surprise and I could not recall.
not recall a single thing from my childhood
.
It has been so many years ago
so many sleepless nights ago
so many stressfull times ago

so many memories have come and gone
raising the kids
struggles at work

I almost forgot
forgot that I even had a childhood.

and afterwards I thought
thought long and hard for any recall
any story.

I wondered if there was anything left of my youth
or had it all been wiped out like a sand castle at high tide.

and sadness hung over me
a sadness to think, that my foundation of life is lost

lost forever,
not to be shared
no one to pass the experience to.

those things of my youth will die with me,
causing no laughter, no gasps.

they die with me here and now.

a few days of depression went by and then my grandson said comeover over for dinner.

after dinner he pulled out the home-made DVD's.
and we watch
and we laugh
and I gave him the missing pieces, those things that the DVD can't explain.
like why he called airplanes "biggie"
and what did "pink" mean when he said it at the circus

and then he asks "do you have any DVD's from when you were a kid?"

And I say  "no.   We did not have DVD's when I was a kid"

and then he asked "well were there pictures when you were a kid or was a camera not yet invented?"

I laught to myself, and then say "I am not older than the invention of the camera"

and then it hit me, I said, "hey hop into the car I need your help at my house."

the 10 minute drive went by with him asking 100 times what was so important.

and I said, you'll see, when we got to the house,

and I told him there are five or six small boxes, you've got to find them for me,

Let me pull down this latter

My youth is spread across some pictures in the attic.

Please hurry climb up and find those boxes.