congratulations

Damn
I did it again
my self worth hinging on another

excited anticipation
contoled.
crashed,
dashed

the overseer had their reasons

and for over two days I am
crushed.
dejected
ruined

then settle for sets in
its better than nothing
its better than others
its better,...

but deep inside I bury the truth

and to avoid the pain I seek escape
music
pictures
words
self
others
sleep
TV
chores
anything but to think of the torment
feel the pain of disapointment.

i have no escape

except to accept and confrom
conform
tell others how great it is

conform

be "normal"

I am happy now, I must be because everyone says:

"Congratulations"

although I still hear the complete sentence

"congratulations, at least you got something not as much as others less than you, less than half of what you deserve"

"congratulations, Steve"