who am I

Everyone that meets me has a different view.

some think I can do no wrong,
some see compassion
some see intelligence
some see thoughtfulness
some think I am just and fair
some feel a profound love from me

some feel pain caused by my hand
some feel confused by me
I keep you captive
say things to confuse
cut you shallow
sometimes cut you deep
sometimes I find you as a child and ruin any chance of childhood
sometimes I go after your kids or grand-kids
sometimes I go after your friends or neighbors
sometimes I find you as a strong adult, and crush you, maim you, make you plead for life.
and sometimes I just kill you because I tire of you.

Fortunately I don't kill too many of you.

Like the tortured, kidnapped victim, you will lose all hope in life.
But,.. I need you alive, so I ease up, soften or stop the blows.
Let you get comfortable with the lack of pain.

You thank me for being nice, and letting you live, when others have died.
When actually i am just resting it takes a lot of energy to ruin your life.

You start believing that.... "No Pain Means, Pleasure".


I may let you go and find another victim,
I may keep you,
Either way it will take years to accept what I have done to you

Maybe I should have killed you,.. it would have been more humane.


The ripple effect of my actions will profoundly affect everyone in your life.

They will cry, they may scream,

They will no doubt curse me for what I did to you.

You too will curse me for what I did.


If anyone else did what I did you would also want revenge.
(side note - people call it "justice", but its really revenge-you'd want me to suffer and burn in HELL.)
-- Fortunately it is I, and not someone else.


Then your humanity kicks in and you accommodate what has just happened.


Others in your life will help you minimize the horror I inflicted.


Then somehow you, and those in the ripple effect, will God-willing, get to a healthy-acceptance.


You will see the good that came out of it, and know that you and others are better people for experiencing the horrors.


In the acceptance you may say "thank God for being a fair and just God, and letting you live, when others have died" or "I could not have gotten through this were it not for His love"



And in some perverse sense of everything that is Wrong you will love Me, and think I am fair and just for the tortures I inflict on all corners of the world.



Who am I?