decree of relationship

The house is slowly emptying and it starts to be very very real.

I leave the collection of matchbox cars in the display case, the other five shelves are empty except the outline of dust where other collections once were. Some hope of magic or ritualistic-superstition where as long as something is displayed we belong here.

The cat rubs up against my leg as if to console me.

The dog that used to live here, the one that I rescued, that followed me from room to room. The one I take--I mean took, for walks. She caused at least as much delight as anything else in my life. Mixed, of course, with lots of frustrations, which I have just started to realize that I miss the frustrations also. But she will be better off at another house, my words sound very convincing both to myself, and people that don't know the truth. - This is the home that she loves and...


Boxes of things ready to ship to thier owners. Seems like a waste to ship schoolbooks not looked at for years, but it needs to be gone, this house needs to be empty and soon.

Fixing the holes in the walls, fixing that towel rack that has been broken for the last,... last, ..

Oh,....

Oh my, Its been 5 years, since it was originally broken.

...... I can't believe it has been that long.

Each room has its boxes half packed, chaos every where I look, as if I must wait till the last minute to keep on display all the meaningless shit we've collected over the years.


The garage is empty now, no need for a lawnmower if you are not going to have no lawn,
no need for a shop-vac if you can't have a workshop.
We keep the golf clubs and bicycles although I don't think that they have not been used for, for.. 5 years, I still can't believe its been that long.


The kids are grown, some in living in other states, the others in college, they are adults now they'll be OKay, this will be good for them. When they visit it will be cozy in the a two bedroom apartment, they really don't need this big empty lonely house, where there were many a teenage slumber party, where once the older boy had that party that got out of control the weekend we were at a resort relaxing. We came home to beer cans in the front yard, teenage boys all over the house asleep or passed out, and that HUGE drum set that was in our living room.

But those are kids memories, the house is just a large, empty, sadness echoing chamber.


This is life, an experience to grow from, they'll be OK.



,... how come my words don't sound so convincing?




Today is the 30th day after the decree of divorce, a relationship that started to end 5 years ago.