one on one

Mom's been working long hours this week.

Daycare is OK and my friends are fine, but I really like my mom.

She said that this Sunday is a special day, something called "Mother's day", and that she would let-me take-her out to lunch (I'm only 4 so I really can't pay for it myself).

I reminder her every night just as she tucks me in "happy mud'ders soon, mommy"
and she says "yes just me and you, this Sunday"
I go to sleep safe and secure.

Then finally the day is here, she buckles me into my car booster seat and off we go. We sit in a booth, she pulls out some crayons and coloring books and I think "we are going to color together how great is that, this will be a special day"

We place our order, I am coloring and she is helping, not doing it right, but she's my Mom so I let her color as she wants. Then her cell phone rings and she answers it I ask "who is it Mommy, who?"

She ignores me to talk on the phone, then her laptop comes out,...


I feel:
confused,
unloved,
I put on my best pouting face and almost full on tears face and she doesn't even see it.



I drop a crayon on the floor just to crawl under the table, she sometimes yells at me when I do that, ..nothing.


I knock over my soda, but the lid stops the impending mess. Then I played with the ketchup and salt and pepper and sugar, she waved at me as if to stop, but kept her eye on her laptop.


I didn't know what to do, this was our "special day", I was feeling alone.


I saw that she had some french fries still on her plate, so I reached across the table to get some.




The next thing I know she hangs up her cell phone and turns her laptop over and is screaming "you stupid idiot, can't we just sit here and enjoy being out together, why did you spill the soda in my laptop, you always do something to ruin the day."



I sit there defenseless against the words and energy
confused
hurt
scared
little
tear in my eyes (but not too much I know better)